Random Thoughts
I decided, on a whim, to take a career assessment test. I sat through about 20 minutes of random questions at the end of which the computer screen would exactly determine what type of person I was, what my skills were, what my strengths were (and therefore presumably my weaknesses), and what sort of job would best suit my temperament (top 20 it said). Of course, the test was free online. But not so the assessment (obviously). What I got was a long page with little tidbits (H is great; she'd make a fine manager, wonderful writer, excellent performance artist and homemaker and etc) interlaced with long paragraphs of blanks... to be filled in when you paid up for the executive package or some such thing. Every description was designed to set off alarm bells in your mind about your general capabilities unless of course you actually ponied up the money to be reassured you weren't a flaming failure in the blanked out parts!!!
So here are my edited "results": I possessed an above par "holistic" sense of concepts. Holistic being a word that was peppered everywhere in descriptions of my ability to interact with people ( I don't pay enough attention to individuals), interpret data (were they saying I am not thorough enough?), communication skills (do I mumble THAT much?), and managerial skills (Oh my God, I knew it! I'm bossy!). I am hooked by this time... I like the flattering parts and am dismayed by the bits that read "H has a holistic appreciation for everything in the world. But that does not ....(blank)...." What were they going to say? That I secretly am a geeky, buck-toothed, psycho? That I ate grasshoppers at my last meal and likely would for my next? Or I am a hopeless deadender doomed to seeking my job forever and looking at character assessment profiles but never getting a real job (Yikes that one was too close for comfort!!!).
Finally, I scroll down impatiently to the bottom of the page. What exactly did they think I was going to be suitable for? Executive? Dishwasher? Footpath singer/dancer/entertainer? I so hoped it was option number 1.. sounds way more fun to be sitting in a cool office ordering other people around to do my work for me! Hah! there was the table to tell me what my future held in store for me... a personalized crystal ball to my successful future as...
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! They blanked out the top 10 positions I would be fit for. The listing started at position 11 as editing some god forsaken thing that I forgot about as I was reading about it (doesn't augur too well for editorial positions I must say!) and continued to list singer/songwriter/entertainer as another possibility at about 13 or 15... I knew I was headed for the streets. But what was option 1? And 2 and all the way down to 10? Surely I could land one of those? If I knew what they were... How much does the professional package cost again?
I decided, on a whim, to take a career assessment test. I sat through about 20 minutes of random questions at the end of which the computer screen would exactly determine what type of person I was, what my skills were, what my strengths were (and therefore presumably my weaknesses), and what sort of job would best suit my temperament (top 20 it said). Of course, the test was free online. But not so the assessment (obviously). What I got was a long page with little tidbits (H is great; she'd make a fine manager, wonderful writer, excellent performance artist and homemaker and etc) interlaced with long paragraphs of blanks... to be filled in when you paid up for the executive package or some such thing. Every description was designed to set off alarm bells in your mind about your general capabilities unless of course you actually ponied up the money to be reassured you weren't a flaming failure in the blanked out parts!!!
So here are my edited "results": I possessed an above par "holistic" sense of concepts. Holistic being a word that was peppered everywhere in descriptions of my ability to interact with people ( I don't pay enough attention to individuals), interpret data (were they saying I am not thorough enough?), communication skills (do I mumble THAT much?), and managerial skills (Oh my God, I knew it! I'm bossy!). I am hooked by this time... I like the flattering parts and am dismayed by the bits that read "H has a holistic appreciation for everything in the world. But that does not ....(blank)...." What were they going to say? That I secretly am a geeky, buck-toothed, psycho? That I ate grasshoppers at my last meal and likely would for my next? Or I am a hopeless deadender doomed to seeking my job forever and looking at character assessment profiles but never getting a real job (Yikes that one was too close for comfort!!!).
Finally, I scroll down impatiently to the bottom of the page. What exactly did they think I was going to be suitable for? Executive? Dishwasher? Footpath singer/dancer/entertainer? I so hoped it was option number 1.. sounds way more fun to be sitting in a cool office ordering other people around to do my work for me! Hah! there was the table to tell me what my future held in store for me... a personalized crystal ball to my successful future as...
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! They blanked out the top 10 positions I would be fit for. The listing started at position 11 as editing some god forsaken thing that I forgot about as I was reading about it (doesn't augur too well for editorial positions I must say!) and continued to list singer/songwriter/entertainer as another possibility at about 13 or 15... I knew I was headed for the streets. But what was option 1? And 2 and all the way down to 10? Surely I could land one of those? If I knew what they were... How much does the professional package cost again?
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