To lose my temper at D-Poo? No, I know the answer to that one and yet I find myself doing so and sometimes over the smallest perceived infractions... Such as "why can't she wear her socks the second I command her to?" Why doesn't she brush her teeth at the moment I tell her to and does she really need to hang at that awkward angle? Worse still, is she doing all this deliberately?" The answers are of course rational and I know she doesn't mean it. But then shouldn't she learn better? Isn't she old enough? I, unfortunately have fallen into the trap: of the expectant parent.
When they're just babies we smother the need to receive back as much as we give to them. But as they get older this changes. We expect something back in return too: obedience, ability to dine with royalty without splling the icecream, and later in life academic and social brilliance. Of course very few are driven all the way, but parents do expect.
And so we get disappointed and in some cases irritated. And those of us with rather unexpected tempers do snap back sometimes (D-POO!! That's quite enough! Get to bed right NOW! Do you want a time out?) .
And then they learn to cry and your heart melts with the salty tears running down their cheeks which are turned on at will it seems. And definitely when it's closer to bedtime. Annd the guilt returns full force. And you end the day looking at your sleeping child who you just scolded minutes ago. The utter peace on their faces, free of guile, trusting. And then you promise yourself: Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow, I will be the adult. Tomorrow I will leave her be. Tomorrow, I will not be tired and grumpy and overworked. Tomorrow....
When they're just babies we smother the need to receive back as much as we give to them. But as they get older this changes. We expect something back in return too: obedience, ability to dine with royalty without splling the icecream, and later in life academic and social brilliance. Of course very few are driven all the way, but parents do expect.
And so we get disappointed and in some cases irritated. And those of us with rather unexpected tempers do snap back sometimes (D-POO!! That's quite enough! Get to bed right NOW! Do you want a time out?) .
And then they learn to cry and your heart melts with the salty tears running down their cheeks which are turned on at will it seems. And definitely when it's closer to bedtime. Annd the guilt returns full force. And you end the day looking at your sleeping child who you just scolded minutes ago. The utter peace on their faces, free of guile, trusting. And then you promise yourself: Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow, I will be the adult. Tomorrow I will leave her be. Tomorrow, I will not be tired and grumpy and overworked. Tomorrow....
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